Time to Start Over

I have hit a snag in my monster making career (Yes. I'm going for it. I said career.). I'm clearly not enjoying what I am doing. Sometimes I am, but it's not a consistent, "this is fun". This is a problem. Creating for me has always been about doing what I want to do and not what I think will sell. I'm a rebel like that. I was in marching band for 5 years even though it wasn't cool. Somewhere along the line, I missed that memo and switched my line of thinking. I stopped doing this for me, and started doing this for what I thought other people would like.

I am starting over mostly. I want to hear beautiful music (or at least what's on the radio) when I'm making monsters, not assembly line music. Assembly line music is stressful. I don't want to censor myself, because I might offend a reader or shopper. I want my dolls to have a story that somehow my life influenced. I want the creative part to fall back where it belongs. I shouldn't dread crocheting. It really does keep me sane. I've been hiding how much it really does keep me sane. I hate hiding things. I feel like I'm 9 years old. I need to keep this part of me true, (I should keep all of me true, but that's a work in progress...) and really step back into the reality that my life is awesome.

I am aware that I will lose some followers/fans this way. I have a personal life that affects every single aspect of my monster making life. I have to share it all... or not bother with any of it. You should walk away with another aspect of me and my thoughts/views/ideals after each visit here. Isn't that why you visit? Shouldn't there be a connection? I can't "stay professional" all the time... or for more than 10 minutes at a clip sometimes. I don't want to. If I did, I would have finished school and become a music teacher (shudder). I wouldn't want a full sleeve of tattoos, and I would not make monsters. I would make princesses or something other than what I enjoy. I won't take it personally if you're not diggin' the new direction. It's cool. We can agree to disagree.

Eventually I will not have little people running (crashing, screaming, flailing, throwing stuff, insert other things children do) around my house constantly. I will no longer be a full time mom who crochets on the side for some extra cash for 12 hours out of my day. It actually won't be all about the kids for a huge chunk of the day. I reckon (I love John Wayne.) that I should start getting ready for that phase of my adventure. It will be here before I know it.