Creatively Keeping Your Head Above Water

There has been some turmoil in the Knot By Gran'ma household over the past... let's say 2 years. We have lost family members, we have felt the effects of battles that we are not involved in, I had a full somewhat of a breakdown (that took almost the 2 years to work through and counting), dealings with Kiddo have been more than difficult.... and we fight back every single day. Our family is stronger than ever. It is really amazing.

Princess Aquaria and her pet snail, Walter

I cannot say how much my art has helped me personally in this journey. Even if I'm just rewinding yarn, the effects of creating something (even if it's a crap doll or a new ball of yarn) is soothing. Life's stress of whatever is going on quells, and the sad/mad/angry/overwhelmed feelings lessen their hold a little. The more I think about it, the more I am sure that I would not be in this stage of my life without my craft. Busy hands really do shush busy minds.

quick monster sketch

Because of the way I am, I over plan my month (in advance) with blog posts, new doll ideas, sketches, and social media for it all. I never accomplish most of it, it is usually reworked weekly, I get super excited about the future and all it's possibilities, and then I find myself in a low spot, totally overwhelmed with what I "need" to do. I've overbooked myself with real life commitments that have nothing to do with my art, usually wondering how the hell I am going to pull it off. Every day, I get angry at myself for being like this and doubt my abilities. (I haven't quite yet come to terms that this is "me". That will come in time, I'm sure. I am still a little miffed that I have to take a pill every day so that the bad days are less than the good days.) The flip side of every (semi-good to good) day is I find a way to be thankful that I can do something on my insane schedule that I've created. Sometimes the bad days win, and I'm not able to do anything. That's just how I am... Sometimes this happens several times in one day. My drive to create is what fuels me to keep dusting myself off and trying again.

It's like the ocean, but less wet. Battling the waves in real life or metaphorically is exhausting, but if you can keep your head up above them, you'll be okay.